Who wears a wallet chain?!
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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