from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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