is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
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