none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
