Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
