thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Randomize
