I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize