Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
