I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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