I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
