Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
