Swine flu. Run for my life!
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
