Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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