She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
