are you still at the devil's house?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
