So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
