you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize