forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
