I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize