first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
