So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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