I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Randomize
