i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
