the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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