the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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