My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
