singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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