I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i just google imaged poop.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
