She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
