What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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