i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
