We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
