I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
