I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
