The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
