nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
