Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
