I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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