My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
