Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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