The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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