she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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