So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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