I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
