hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
