My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
