you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
