Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
