Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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