Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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