Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
