So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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