Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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