I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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