Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
