Life is so much better after having sex.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
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