I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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