The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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