Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize