just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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