I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
