Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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