I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
