thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
