Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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