I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
