I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
