I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
