not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
