I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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