and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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