I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
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