I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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