Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
