I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
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