I think I won the penis lottery.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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