Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
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