True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
