just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
