Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
My room smells like vodka and shame
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
