Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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