youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Sober January is a disaster.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
