Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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