And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
