i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
